


Front Sight, Trigger Press, Follow Through

by jetplane



Series: Quarantink [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Gun Violence, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hostage Situations, Hurt Spencer Reid, Injury, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Serious Injuries, Surgery, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21566347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane
Summary: “You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent,” Hotch said quietly as he looked into the unsub’s eyes. “When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive, violent household, it’s not surprising that some people grow up to become killers.”He stood up from his chair as law enforcement officers entered the interrogation room. As they unshackled Vincent Perotta, Hotch turned away to leave.“Some people?” Vincent asked.Hotchner turned back around. “What’s that?”“You said some people grow up to become killers.” The man’s eyes were empty and his expression vacant.Aaron nodded slightly, his gaze turning downwards. “And some people grow up to catch them.”(01x08)(When Reid is injured during the L.D.S.K. case, he and Hotch are forced to spend a lot of time together as they drive back home from Illinois. Aaron reveals the real reason he joined the BAU.)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon & Aaron Hotchner, Jason Gideon & Spencer Reid
Series: Quarantink [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687318
Comments: 27
Kudos: 216





	1. Chapter 1

“Can I ask you a favor?”

Phillip Dowd cocked his head. “You can ask.”

“I figure the chances of my getting out of here alive are pretty slim,” Hotch said. 

“So?”

“I want to kick the snot out of this kid.” Reid looked up at his boss in surprise. “He’s made my life miserable for three lousy years.”

Dowd gave a small smirk. “Knock yourself out.”

Hotch shoved Reid to the floor and kicked him. “How smart are you now, smart guy?” he taunted. “It’s front sight, trigger press, follow through!” Spencer groaned as each word was punctuated by another blow to the chest. “It’s not that hard; a Dalmatian could do it!”

With his bound hands, Reid struggled to grasp Hotch’s pant leg. “Let go,” he ordered, pulling his foot away. “Let go!”

Reid rolled over, then curled up onto his side. He coughed weakly. Outside the ER doors, a SWAT team prepared to kick down the door. 

“Feel better?” Dowd asked with a satisfied grin. 

Hotch nodded. “I think he got the message.”

The killer nodded, sharing a look with the FBI agent. Then, his eyes drifted down to the now-empty holster on Hotch’s ankle. Dowd’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that?”

Spencer sat up, clutching Hotch’s gun, and pulled the trigger. The gun went off, and the recoil threw Reid backwards into the wall. Dowd fell backwards with a bullet hole in his forehead. The hostages inside the ER screamed. 

“We go in now!” the SWAT team leader ordered at the sound of the shot. 

“Federal agent,” Hotch yelled through the door. “Federal agent, hold your fire!” He opened the door to the SWAT team. “It’s all clear.”

The SWAT team members saw Hotch and immediately lowered their weapons. They followed him inside. “Are the hostages alright?” the leader asked as they scanned the dark room. 

“Everyone should be fine,” Hotch reported. He quickly took inventory of the civilians. Finding them all accounted for, he turned to Reid to compliment him on his shot. But the young agent wasn’t where he’d left him on the floor. 

“Reid?” Aaron asked, searching through the dark room. He heard a weak cough and spotted the profiler’s leg sticking out from the shadows. “Reid!”

Hotch knelt by his agent’s side as Reid coughed again, spraying blood onto both men. “I need medics over here!” Hotch called out. 

“Stay with me, Spencer,” Hotch uttered in a quiet but firm voice. Reid’s breaths grew shallow and more labored. “You’re going to be alright. Just try to breathe.”

His eyelids started to flutter closed. “Come on, Spencer. I need you to stay with me. Just look at me, okay?” Reid fought a little harder to keep his eyes open, but his gaze was clouded by pain and a lack of oxygen. 

“Where are the medics?” Hotch asked to no one in particular. Finally, mercifully, the paramedics appeared in the doorway. They scanned the dark room and headed for Reid and Hotch. One knelt by Spencer’s side and began to talk to him in a quiet voice, while the other spoke to Hotch. 

‘Where was he hit?” the paramedic asked, eyeing the gun on the floor. Hotch just stared at her blankly. “Did the suspect shoot him?”

Hotch shook his head. “No,” he replied as the realization slowly dawned on him. “He - I kicked him. In the chest.”

The paramedic looked concerned. “All right, sir, I’m going to need you to step back and let us work on the patient. Would you mind leaving the room?”

Aaron nodded mutely. In a daze, he stumbled into the hallway and was greeted by the worried faces of the BAU team. 

“Oh,” JJ breathed, her expression relieved. The profilers looked up and down their supervisor and determined that he was unhurt. “Hotch, you’re okay.”

Morgan was the first to ask. “Where’s Reid?”

“He’s inside with the medics,” Hotch reported robotically. “Chest trauma.”

‘Is that his blood?” Emily asked. “What happened?”

Gideon read the expression on Hotch’s face and ordered the team away before they could ask any more questions. They tried to get a glimpse of Reid in the ER, but Gideon blocked their line of sight. 

“What happened in there, Aaron?” Gideon asked in a gentle voice. “Did the unsub do something to Spencer?”

Hotch stared blankly into the emergency room as the paramedics lifted Reid onto a stretcher. From the distance, he couldn’t tell if Reid was even still breathing. 

“Aaron?” Gideon prompted again, leading Hotch away from the scene. “What happened?”

“He used the security guard to tie our hands together. With zip ties. But he didn’t see the holster on my leg. I couldn’t reach it, but I thought that maybe Reid could if I got him onto the floor.”

“I had to get Dowd to trust me,” Hotchner muttered. “He was narcissistic and paranoid. Massive hero complex. I played into his delusions with flattery and made him think I was like him. I told him that you knew he was armed and that you sent me in anyway.”

Gideon nodded. “That makes sense. A person like Phillip Dowd would find that easy to believe.”

“He did,” Hotch admitted. 

“And then what happened?” GIdeon asked cautiously. Behind Hotch’s back, he could see the paramedics wheeling Reid’s stretcher down the hallway in the opposite direction. 

“I had to get Reid onto the floor. There was no other way,” Hotch said, more to himself than to Gideon. “I threw Reid’s failed qualification in his face and told Dowd that you set me up. I-I kicked him, Gideon. I had to. It was the only way I could get my gun to him.”

“I yelled at him.” Aaron’s voice was down to a whisper. “I mocked him for losing his gun. Said he’d made my life miserable.”

Hotch turned away from Gideon in shame. “I didn’t mean it, Gideon. I just needed Dowd to believe that I was on his side. I wasn’t trying to hit him hard, I swear.”

The older profiler stood in silence for a moment, processing Hotch’s words. His first instincts were to protect Spencer, the gifted young man who was like a son to him, and to be furious at Hotch for doing anything to put him in harm’s way. But he also knew what a brilliant agent Aaron was, and that he would never do anything to put his team in jeopardy if he had any other option. If Hotch said that he had done the only thing he could, Gideon believed him. 

“It’s not your fault,” Jason said, putting a hand on Hotch’s shoulder. “You did the right thing. If you hadn’t gotten the gun to Spencer when you did, it’s more than likely that neither of you would have made it out alive.”

“I told him that he made my life miserable,” Hotch repeated mournfully. “I said that to him.”

“He knew you were only playing to the unsub’s delusions,” Gideon assured him. 

“But what if he didn’t? What if he thinks - what if he thinks I actually meant it?”

Gideon shook his head. “Give the kid some credit. He’s a great profiler. You think he can’t tell when his boss is lying?”

“Still, I said all those things to him. What if that’s - the last thing he ever heard?” Hotch asked anxiously. “Gideon, I can’t do this. I don’t-”

“Need to feel like this,” Gideon interrupted before Hotch could finish his thought. “Reid is going to be fine and he is going to forgive you because you saved his life. Is that clear?”

Hotch put a hand to his forehead. “I’m in charge of the team,” he said. “I should’ve known better. I could’ve taken the shot when I had the chance. Or maybe if I’d just made the connection between the victims and Dowd a little bit quicker. If I’d been a better leader, Dowd never would’ve had the chance to take the hostages. We could’ve caught him before he killed again.”

“You did everything you could,” Gideon said firmly. “This is not your fault. I need you to hold yourself together right now for the rest of the team.”

The SWAT team leader approached the agents. “Agent Gideon? Agent Hotchner?”

“Yes?” Gideon replied. 

“I just wanted to let you know that the paramedics are transporting your agent to Arlington right now.”

“They’re transferring him?” Gideon asked. 

“The ER here is shut down,” the man replied. “No way anyone’s getting treated in it for a while. Trust me, your agent has a much better chance with a transport.”

Gideon nodded. “Okay, thank you.” He turned to Hotch. “Gather the rest of the team. Tell them we’re going to meet Reid at Arlington.”


	2. Chapter 2

Emily handed Hotch a cup of coffee as he paced back and forth in the waiting room. He handed it right back to her with a firm shake of his head. All he could think was how much Reid loved coffee, and that just made him feel more guilty. 

“He’s going to be alright, you know,” Gideon reassured him gently. “Reid’s in good hands.”

“They worked with Dowd,” Emily protested. “And they didn’t even know it. How good can they possibly be?”

“Most people have no idea how to catch a serial killer,” Hotch said, his tone hollow. “That’s our job. At least, it’s supposed to be.”

“Hotch,” JJ said sympathetically. “What happened to Spencer wasn’t your fault. We all know that. Spence knows that, too.”

“I had a clean shot at Dowd,” Hotch muttered. “I had my gun on him and I dropped it. I could’ve taken him down.”

“Yeah, and let Dowd kill a bunch of innocent civilians in the process,” Derek countered. “And probably both you and Reid as well.” He looked his boss directly in the eye. “Hotch, we all made the profile together, man. Do you think this is our fault, too?”

Aaron’s head jerked up in surprise, the fog clearing from his eyes as he stopped pacing. “What? No! Of course not.”

“He does have a point,” Gideon said sagely. “If it’s your fault that Spencer got hurt, it’s all of our faults. You, me, Spencer, all of us did the best we could to catch Dowd. And we got him. That’s the job.”

“It’s not enough,” Hotch muttered as he started to pace again. The rest of the BAU watched in silence, knowing there was nothing more they could do until Spencer got out of surgery.

“Excuse me?” Everyone turned to look at a woman in a white lab coat. Her name tag read “Dr. Miller”. “Are you here for Mr. Reid?”

“Dr. Reid,” Gideon corrected automatically. “Yes, we are. I’m his medical proxy, Jason Gideon. Is Dr. Reid okay?”

The doctor nodded. “He’s stable and being moved to recovery as we speak.” 

The BAU team members let out a collective sigh of relief. “How bad were his injuries?” JJ asked anxiously. 

“Dr. Reid sustained several fractured ribs from blunt chest trauma,” the doctor reported. “His left lung was punctured, most likely from the recoil of the weapon he fired. He has a chest tube placed and he’s currently on oxygen, but he should make a full recovery.”

Everyone let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God,” Gideon muttered. 

“When can we see him?” Morgan asked. 

“He’ll be unconscious for the next few hours, but you can be there when he wakes up.” The team all crowded forward. “Only one at a time, though.”

Gideon looked to Hotch expectantly, but he quickly shook his head. “All right. I’ll stay with him and let all of you know as soon as he regains consciousness,” Gideon promised the team. “Aaron, can you update the Bureau on Reid’s condition?” He gave a grateful nod and stepped away to make a call on his cell phone. 

“Right this way, sir,” Dr. Miller said, gesturing through a doorway. Jason followed the doctor down the hall and let himself be led into a hospital room. Inside, Reid lay on a hospital bed with an IV in his arm and a tube that slowly drained fluid from his chest. A monitor over his head beeped softly as it displayed vital signs. 

“How long before he wakes up?” Gideon asked the doctor. 

“Probably a couple hours,” she said. “The sedation might make him groggy for a while, but that will pass as we wean him off the pain medication.”

“Is there anything we can do to help him recover?”

“Just stay by his side and try to keep him as relaxed as possible. He needs to rest.” 

Gideon nodded and pulled up a chair by Spencer’s bedside. “Thank you, doctor. I appreciate you taking care of Dr. Reid.”

She nodded. “Of course.” She left Gideon alone in the room. 

Jason sighed. He leaned forward, watching Reid’s chest rise and fall rhythmically. Although the agent hadn’t wanted to admit it to his team, he’d been terrified from the moment he found out that his youngest profiler was trapped with the unsub. That terror had only increased when he saw Hotch stumble out of the ER alone, his shirt covered in Reid’s blood. 

For the next two and a half hours, Gideon barely moved in his seat and never took his eyes off of Reid. In his head, he replayed the case over and over again. Flying into Des Plaines on the jet. Giving the profile to local police. Re-enacting the shooting in the park. Watching the officer get shot right in front of him. And then, splitting up at the hospital to talk to the doctors. 

Suddenly, Gideon noticed Reid’s hand give a slight twitch. “Spencer?” he asked, jumping up from his seat. “Spencer, can you hear me?”

Reid’s eyes fluttered open. “Gideon?” he asked groggily as the older man’s face came into focus. He pulled the oxygen mask partially off his face. 

“You’re in the hospital, Spencer. Everything’s going to be alright,” Gideon quickly reassured him. 

“What - what happened?” Reid croaked out. 

“You had a punctured lung and a few broken ribs. The doctors took you into surgery, and they were able to repair all the damage. You’re going to be fine.”

He looked confused. “I don’t understand,” Spencer whispered as the pain medication started to pull him back under. “What happened to me?” 

Gideon sighed, thinking about what the doctor had said to him. “It’s okay, Spencer. You can rest now.” He gently placed his hand on Reid’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay,” Reid muttered, although he was already drifting off. “I’m awake.”The injured agent’s eyes closed, and within moments, Gideon could tell that he had fallen back asleep. He replaced the oxygen mask on his friend’s face, then stepped out into the hallway where the rest of the agents had gathered. 

“Reid’s okay,” he told them. “He’s a bit disoriented, but he’s going to be fine.”

“Is he awake right now?” Emily asked. 

He shook his head. “He woke up for a minute, but the medication is making him pretty tired. He fell back asleep almost right away.”

Just then, JJ’s cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and took a few steps away from the group to answer it. “This is Agent Jennifer Jareau,” she said into the phone. She listened for a moment. “Are you sure? Is there anyone else who can take the case?” Another pause. “All right. I’ll let them know. Thank you.” JJ hung up. 

She turned back to the team. “We have a new case,” she said, her expression grim. “A family was found butchered in their home in Maryland. They need us to determine if it was a murder/suicide or if there’s a serial killer out there.”

“They can’t get someone else?” Morgan asked. JJ shook her head. 

“What about Reid? We can’t just leave him here.”

“Hotch can stay with Reid,” Gideon said. Hotch turned to look at him in surprise. “The rest of us will fly out and start working the case.”

“Gideon,” Hotch said in a low voice. “As the unit chief, I think it would make more sense if I went with the team and you stayed behind with Spencer.”

Gideon shook his head. “Local law enforcement will need one of us here to wrap up the case with Dowd. You spent the most time with him, so you’ll be the best equipped to give them what they need. I’ll make sure to keep you in the loop with the Maryland case. If it does turn out to be serial, you can help with the profile remotely.”

He looked to the other agents. “I’m going to need all of you to pack up our things from the station. I’ll meet you all at the airstrip in an hour.” They followed his orders without question, leaving Hotch and Gideon alone. 

“Jason, you know I’m in charge of this unit now,” Hotch said, although his tone was more resigned than upset. “I can manage my team.”

“I never said you couldn’t,” Gideon replied in an even voice. “But I think we both know that you’re trying to avoid Reid, and that’s not going to help anyone.”

Hotch sighed. He knew the older agent was right. He didn’t want to face what he’d done to Spencer. But he knew he would have to eventually. 

“Even if Reid hadn’t been injured, you two both went through a hostage situation. No one recovers from that easily. You need to take some time to process. We can handle the case, I promise.”

Aaron nodded reluctantly. “You’re right. Just please, keep me updated on the case.”

“I will,” Gideon promised. “Keep us updated on Spencer.”


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer awoke a few hours later. His body still ached, but at least he could think a little more clearly now. He looked around for Gideon, but there was no sign of the man. 

“Reid?” a voice asked apprehensively. Reid searched for the source of the sound. He found Hotch standing near the doorway, watching him with a concerned expression. 

“Hotch?” 

Hotch walked closer to his bedside. “How are you feeling, Spencer?”

“Okay,” Spencer replied truthfully, pulling the oxygen mask down around his neck so he could speak. “Kind of sore. Gideon said something about my ribs being broken?” Aaron nodded. 

“What do you remember?” Hotch ventured. 

A look of concentration came over Reid’s face. “He said that I had surgery? For a punctured lung?”

Hotch nodded. “What about before that?”

“LDSK,” Reid said slowly. “We were working on the LDSK case. A police officer - McCarty - got shot in the park. He wasn’t the unsub.”

“Do you remember anything after that?”

Reid shook his head. “Did we figure out who did it?”

“We did,” Hotch told him. “He was an ER nurse. Phillip Dowd.”

“Is he in custody?” Reid asked. “Did we get him to confess?”

He noticed Hotchner’s concerned expression. “What? What happened?”

“You don’t remember anything that happened after that?”

Spencer thought as hard as he could while his mind was still clouded by the painkillers. “No,” he admitted after a moment. 

“An ER doc had just confirmed that it was Dowd when he stormed the place. Took everyone inside hostage, including us.” Reid’s brow knit with this last statement, but he didn’t say anything. “SWAT was seconds away from going in when you shot Dowd.”

“I don’t understand,” Reid confessed. “How could I shoot him? I lost my gun.”

“You used mine. Dowd didn’t realize I had a second gun in my ankle holster,” Hotch explained, wondering if he could find a way to keep Reid from ever knowing the truth. But he knew that was wrong. Reid’s memories would probably come back, and even if they didn’t, Hotch knew he had to own up to what he had done. 

“So is that what happened to me? Did the unsub knock me out or something?”

Hotch shook his head. “That wasn’t Dowd. That was me.”

Spencer frowned. “I don’t understand.”

Aaron averted his gaze. “Dowd had our hands tied. I couldn’t draw my gun, so I needed a distraction. I had to - I had to kick you in order to get you onto the ground. You pulled out my gun, and shot Dowd in the head.”

“I killed him?” Reid asked softly. Hotch nodded. “Why don’t I remember any of this?”

“It’s probably a side effect of the medication,” Hotch said, trying to sound unconcerned. “But if you’d like, I can find a doctor to ask about it.” 

“I’d appreciate that,” Spencer replied. 

Hotch nodded. “I’ll go get someone right now. Are you okay staying here by yourself for a minute?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Reid replied. He placed the oxygen mask back over his mouth and took a few deep breaths as he leaned back onto his pillows. Hotch hurried into the hallway to look for a doctor. 

He found Dr. Miller. “Hello,” Hotch said. “I’m Agent Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid’s supervisor.”

Dr. Miller nodded as she recognized the man. “Of course, Agent Hotchner. What can I do for you?”

“Dr. Reid has been having some difficulty remembering the last few hours,” he explained. “I was wondering if you could check him out, see if there’s anything to worry about.”

“Short-term memory loss isn’t uncommon following a traumatic injury, Agent.” She took in Hotch’s worried expression. “But I’d be happy to do a quick workup, just to make sure there’s no issue.”

“Thank you,” Hotch said gratefully. 

The two walked down the hall together. Dr. Miller knocked gently on Reid’s door, then pushed it open. 

“Hello, Dr. Reid,” the woman said. “I’m Dr. Miller, and I’ve been one of the doctors caring for you. I understand you’ve been having some trouble remembering what happened before your injury?”

Reid nodded. “Agent Hotchner said that I shot the unsub, but I don’t remember it at all.”

Dr. Miller glanced to Hotch. “Unsub is short for unknown subject,” he clarified. “It’s a term we use at the Bureau for the person responsible for a crime. Dr. Reid and the rest of our team were working on a case involving a long-distance serial killer. He took a number of hostages, but Dr. Reid took him down before he could hurt any of them.”

The doctor nodded. “I heard about the shootings on the news. I’m glad you caught the guy.”

“I can’t remember any of it, though,” Reid said. Dr. Miller took out a penlight and checked Reid’s pupils. 

“It’s not uncommon for a person to have some memory loss surrounding a traumatic incident. The brain has a way of blocking out difficult situations, and a hostage situation certainly qualifies.” She placed her fingers in Reid’s hands. “Can you squeeze my hands?” He could. “Wiggle your toes?” He did. 

Spencer shook his head. “I’ve been held up by unsubs in the past. And we trained at the academy for hostage situations. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.”

“Dr. Reid has an exceptional memory,” Hotch added. “He never forgets anything.”

“I have an eidetic memory,” Reid corrected him, looking a little sheepish. “I never forget anything that I read. My autobiographical memory isn’t perfect, but I can recall a lot of details.”

Dr. Miller nodded and continued with her examination. “Can you tell me where you are?”

“I’m in the hospital,” Reid replied. 

“Do you know who you are?” she asked. 

“My name is Dr. Spencer Reid and I’m an FBI agent with the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I’m with Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner and -” He squinted to read her name tag - “Dr. Lisa Miller. The year is 2005, and the current president is George W. Bush,” he offered before she could ask any more questions. 

His doctor smiled slightly. “It seems to me that your neurological functioning is more than fine. Most likely your memory loss is a result of your medications, and your recollections will come back as we wean you off of them. If you notice any other symptoms, though, please let me or another doctor know right away.”

Hotch and Reid both nodded. “Thank you, Doctor,” Reid said. 

“Of course,” she replied.


	4. Chapter 4

“Well, Dr. Reid, your lung sounds are good and it seems as though your pain is under control. I’m going to say that you’re ready to be released.”

It had been a little over a week since the LDSK case had been closed, and Spencer was feeling much better. His chest tube had been removed a few days ago, and his breathing was almost back to normal. Reid’s chief complaint these days was mostly boredom. 

“Thank you,” Reid said to Dr. Miller. 

“Thank you,” Hotch echoed. He turned to Reid. “Are you ready to go home?”

“Definitely,” he replied. 

“Remember, I want you to rest,” Dr. Miller said. She looked to Hotch. “I don’t want him driving at all. And make sure to stop for frequent breaks.”

“Driving?” Reid asked. “I thought we were taking the jet back to meet the team on the Maryland case.”

His doctor shook her head. “I would strongly advise against flying for a few weeks. Your lungs still aren’t fully healed, and the cabin pressure could pose an undue risk.”

“So I’m driving us to D.C.,” Hotch said. He held up the car keys. 

“Hotch, it’s seven hundred and twenty-seven miles back to D.C.,” Reid protested. “You don’t have to drive me.”

“I have to get back too, you know,” Hotch replied, trying to make light of the situation. He knew Reid hated to be laid up, and he didn’t want to make a big deal over it. “We might as well go together.”

Spencer nodded begrudgingly. He still wasn’t thrilled about the situation, but he knew there was no way Hotch would change his mind. The sooner he agreed, the sooner he could get home. 

The start of the car ride was relatively comfortable for both agents. Hotch had given Reid the file for the case the rest of the team was working on, and he pored over the information, occasionally asking his superior about a detail or proposing a new piece of the profile. After the two of them had made all the contributions to the case that they could from so far away, though, the conversation slowly tapered off until the only noise between them were the sounds of the car speeding down the highway. 

About half an hour into the car ride, Spencer started to shift in his seat. He tried to keep his movements as discreet as possible, but the unit chief noticed his change in posture almost immediately. 

“Are you in pain?” Aaron asked with concern, glancing between the road and the passenger seat. 

“I’m fine,” Reid replied.

Hotch shook his head. “I’m pulling over at the next rest stop,” he declared. Not willing to take any chances, he turned on his blinker and changed lanes. 

“You don’t need to do that,” Spencer protested. “I’m fine.”

“Dr. Miller said not to let you sit for too long,” Aaron replied evenly. “You’re still at an elevated risk for developing a blood clot.”

“She didn’t mean we had to stop every thirty minutes,” Spencer argued. “We still have over seven hundred miles to go. It’s going to take days to get back home at this rate.”

Hotch wasn’t persuaded. “I could use a break, too.”

They both knew this was a lie. The BAU team leader often drove the SUV for hours without stopping, preferring not to stop unless absolutely necessary. He could drive for hours without complaint, which told Spencer that Hotch was only being polite so he wouldn’t feel like a burden. Knowing this only irritated the young agent further, but there was no point in arguing. The car was already pulling into a gas station parking lot. 

Reid reluctantly climbed out of the car. Hotch did the same, going through the motions of stretching out his arms and legs as he watched his subordinate out of the corner of his eye. It was clear Spencer was still in pain as he leaned against the side of the car, although it was equally clear that he would never admit it. 

“I have your meds,” Hotch said to him. “If you need them.”

“I don’t,” Spencer replied shortly. 

“Are you sure?” Hotch fished the bottle of pills out of his jacket pocket. He held them out to Reid, but the man refused to take them. 

“I’m fine,” Reid insisted. He folded his arms over his chest. “Hotch, I know you feel bad about how I got hurt, but it wasn’t your fault and you don’t need to keep trying to make things better. Everything’s fine.”

I’m sorry,” Aaron apologized. “I know you’re very capable and I value everything that you bring to the BAU. I just...it’s my job to look after the team. I just want to make sure you’re doing alright.”

“I appreciate that, Hotch,” Reid replied, trying to keep his tone even. “But I can take care of myself. I don’t need you or anyone else to handle me.”

Aaron raised his hands defensively. “I didn’t say you couldn’t.”

“That’s what you were implying, though, right?” Reid took a few steps away from the car, then turned to face Hotch directly. “You’ve never said it, but you’ve always thought that I couldn’t take care of myself.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Spencer. I just want to help.” 

Reid threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t need your help, Aaron. I’m not your son and you’re not my father, so please, just stop trying to take care of me and let us both go home!”

The two stared at each other for a moment, both shocked by Reid’s sudden outburst. 

“Spencer,” Hotch began, searching for the right words. He took a few steps towards Spencer and tried to put his hand on the man’s shoulder, but Reid shrugged it away. 

“I’m sorry I said anything,” Reid said quietly. He walked back over to the car and threw open the passenger’s side door, then climbed into his seat. “Please, just drive.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning: non-graphic mentions of domestic abuse

Hotch drove in silence for an hour before pulling into another rest stop. Neither of the men said anything as they got out of the car, stretched their legs, and then returned to the vehicle. Reid was buckling his seatbelt when Aaron decided it was time to break the silence.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to suggest that you couldn’t take care of yourself. I was only trying to help.”

Reid shook his head. “I was out of line. It was my fault.”

Hotch glanced at Reid in his passenger seat. “I can see how it might have come across wrong, given your background. I should have been more aware of that.”

Spencer’s brow knit. “My background?”

The supervisor hesitated, then decided to tread lightly. “Your personnel file lists both your parents as being alive and living in Nevada. But you don’t take vacation time to visit them, and there are no family photos on your desk or in your wallet. And your emergency contact is Gideon.” He shot another glance at Spencer, trying to read his expression. “There must be some reason you see him as more of a parent than the people who raised you.”

Reid chewed his lip as he stared out the window. Silently, he cursed his boss’s profiling skills as he wondered about the easiest way to get out of this conversation. 

“I don’t mean to pry,” Hotch continued. “You’ve always been an excellent agent, and I respect your right to privacy. But it’s clear to me that you have unresolved issues with parental figures, especially male parental figures. And in our line of work, that kind of baggage can have consequences.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spencer lied, keeping his voice even. He was glad they were having this conversation in a car. It spared him from having to make eye contact with Hotch. 

Aaron pressed his lips together. “I think you do, Reid.”

“Hotch, I’m really sorry I yelled at you. I realize you were just trying to help, and it was wrong of me to lash out at you. But I was upset because I was tired and sore, not because I had a troubled childhood or anything like that.” 

It was Hotch’s turn to fall silent now. He didn’t need to say anything for Reid to figure that he didn’t believe him. 

For some reason, this lack of reaction ignited another spark of irritation in the younger agent. “I mean it,” he insisted. “I know you’ve profiled a lot of troubled people, but I’m not one of them.”

The supervisor sighed. He stared at the road, weighing each of his words before he spoke again. “Nothing you say to me will be used against you by the Bureau,” he uttered quietly. “I’m not discussing this with you because I have any concern about your performance.”

“Then why are you?” Spencer asked. 

“Because I’ve been where you’ve been,” Hotch replied. 

“What does that mean?”

Aaron shifted in his seat, turning to face Reid directly. Spencer hesitantly met his gaze. 

“I had a stepfather,” Hotch began slowly. “He’s my brother’s biological father, but he was never much of a parent to either of us. I grew up watching him abuse my mother.”

Reid’s face softened slightly. “I didn’t know that,” he said. 

“It’s not something I like to talk about,” Aaron admitted. “But it’s a part of who I am.”

“Did he ever get caught?” Spencer ventured.

“He did,” Hotch affirmed. “When I was twelve, he put my mother in the hospital. He’d hurt her before, and usually I was able to take care of her. But that time, I had to call an ambulance. For the longest time, I blamed myself for not being able to take care of her on my own.”

“But you were just a child,” Reid protested. “You shouldn’t have had to be responsible for her.”

Hotch nodded. “I know that now. And I realized that making that call was the best decision I ever made. The doctors at the hospital figured out what was happening to us, and they convinced my mother to go to the police.”

“Is that why you joined the FBI?” Reid asked. “Because you wanted to catch people like him?”

Hotch shrugged. “In a sort of indirect way. I never would have become a prosecutor if it wasn’t for him,” Hotch replied. “The lawyer who helped put him away...he helped us all through the case. And he ended up becoming my father. He was one of the best things to ever happen to us,” Hotch said softly. 

“You wanted to be like your father,” Reid said. Hotch nods, the faintest smile flickering over his face. “He sounds like a really good person.”

“He was,” Hotch replied. Noticing Spencer’s questioning expression, he added, “He passed away a few years after marrying my mom.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

Hotch nodded. For a moment, his expression was sorrowful. But then it morphed back into his trademark stern expression. “It was a long time ago,” he said. He glanced at his watch, then started the ignition. “We should get back on the road.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is going to be the last chapter. I considered writing flashbacks to Hotch's childhood, but I just didn't feel that I could do the subject justice. Sorry to any readers who might have been hoping for more Hotch backstory (I haven't completely closed the door to some kind of followup/sequel, so if you have any ideas for an expansion feel free to leave a comment below). Thank you for reading! Stay safe!

Spencer stared at the road, chewing his lip as he processed what Hotch had just told him. He wanted to tell him about his parents. He really did. But a part of him was terrified of being vulnerable, especially in front of his boss. His family wasn’t something he discussed with people, well, ever.

“I had to take care of my mother, too,” Reid blurted out before he could stop himself. “She has paranoid schizophrenia.”

If this admission surprised Hotch, it didn’t show on his face. His only response was an encouraging nod. It gave Spencer the confidence to go on.

“I was told that she used to be pretty stable. But she stopped taking her medications when she was pregnant with me, and then she just kept getting worse,” Spencer told him. “She needed help with everything - eating, dressing, getting talked down from her delusions. My father couldn’t take it, so he left when I was in middle school. I haven’t seen him since.”

“He left you alone?” Hotch asked. He imagined a preteen Spencer carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “How old were you at the time?”

“Eight,” Reid replied. It wasn’t until then that Hotch remembered how academically advanced Reid was. Of course he would have been young in middle school. Certainly too young to be in charge of a sick parent.

“That must have been a lot of responsibility,” Hotch remarked.

Spencer shrugged. “We managed. I worked a lot of odd jobs in the beginning. When I got older, I figured how to get into casinos. My housing stipend in college paid rent until I turned eighteen.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Reid saw Hotch’s head tilt slightly. He could hear the question the supervisor wanted to ask. _What had happened when Reid had turned eighteen?_

“I had my mother involuntarily committed on my eighteenth birthday,” Reid explained, surprising even himself. He hated even thinking about it, to say nothing of actually speaking the words aloud. But somehow, after hearing what Hotch had been through, he felt safe enough to confide in him. He only hoped Aaron wouldn’t judge him for what he’d done.

Hotch didn’t say anything for a long moment, and Spencer began to worry that he’d pushed him away. “I didn’t have a choice,” he added defensively, nearly tripping over his words. “She’d stopped taking her medication altogether and I was scared she was going to hurt herself. I couldn’t help her with that. The only way I’d ever be able to support us both was if I got a real job.”

“Reid, you don’t have to defend your actions to me,” Hotch assured him. “You were a child. You were placed in an impossible position, but you made the right decision. If you hadn’t had her committed, who knows what would have happened? She could have ended up getting hurt or you could have. You certainly wouldn’t have ended up here, in the BAU. That would have been a tremendous loss.”

Reid frowned. “I did the right thing for her. I know that rationally,” he admitted. “But it doesn’t stop me from wishing I’d been able to do more.”

Hotch nodded. “I understand. Believe me, I know that feeling. But you did the right thing. We both did. And because of it, we’re here today.”

Spencer gazed out the window. He didn’t say anything. Hotch couldn’t tell if he’d gotten through to his young agent or not.

“I know you doubt yourself,” Hotch said. “But your presence on this team makes a tremendous difference. If you hadn’t been in the room with me when I confronted Dowd, he could have killed a lot of people. You saved lives.”

The words echoed around his head as he considered Hotch’s words. “Do you think I would believe you more if my father had stayed?”

“I do, yes,” Aaron replied. “ Your father leaving made you feel like you weren’t good enough. And I understand now that you find it difficult to accept help because you never had it growing up. But believe me, Reid, you are more than worthy. As a parent, I would be very proud to have a son like you.”

“Really?” The words echoed around in his head.

“Most definitely,” Hotch replied. “You’re one of the best people I’ve ever worked.”

Spencer continued to ponder this. After a moment, he turned to look at the man in the driver’s seat. “Hotch?”

“Yes?”

“I think your dad would be proud to have a son like you, too.”


End file.
